A love letter

I am an indisciplined lover,

There are days when I dont see you at all and there are days when I cant get enough of you

The truth is I dont know…

It is always easy to start but difficult to sustain this relationship, to keep it going

I always start with passion but when I do I dont know when to stop, and when I do stop…

I dont know how to begin again

I think I am an indecisive lover

I want every moment I spend with you to be just perfect, but sometimes waiting for the perfect moment just keeps delaying our union

And there are times when I wish to be with you in times when I am raw and vulnerable

I think I am a greedy lover

Because I admit I always come to you with an expectation that the will be magic

-My canvas is my lover

Poem

There was a girl
I Knew a little less, I judged a little more
and
I put more and more time in disliking her than knowing her

But one day the tables turned
things changed
we changed
and ever since that day
I love her so much more and I judge her or anyone too less or not at all

Because that’s what I learned that day
Some people are like poems you might not like them till you understand them
but once you know what they mean

it all starts to fall in its place.

–Never miss on a good poem, only because its difficult to interpret

Perfection always seems so far!

Isn’t it weird that in the quest of making things perfect, we just stop making anything at all!

As a kid, I would paint every single day and even if it wasn’t good, I’d still do it!
But then I grew up and now I only paint when “I have the right mindset or motivation” which translates to when I am able to convince myself that what I paint today is going to be perfect!

Lines

I am an artist
Yet I somehow find it really difficult to draw the lines…

In fact, I do not know how to draw the lines
So there are days when
the shades of my professional life dim the tints of my personal life,
other days when the tempting greens of procrastination ruin my to-do lists
And oh the days full of nothingness! which I spend making the pastels of my daydreams (No wonder they are never seen anywhere but the palette)

Oh and do not remind me of the whites I use
trying to hide the bad days under them
Lately, I have come to realize no matter how much white I throw, the bygone colors and the inaccurate lines always show
And oh do not even think of picking that palette knife to scrap the colors, it never helps…

And I don’t know what would help
So like every day I put my canvas aside
Lie down and go back to the palette of mind, wondering which colors, tones, tints, or shades would occupy it tomorrow
Would it be the red of passion or the yellow of happiness?
I suspect it might be the mysterious mauve

I am not sure if there is or there will ever be a scale that will help me draw the lines better
A scale that would help me draw a line
between self-care and stagnant behavior
between passion and obsession
between rest and unproductive behavior

But I am sure someday I will find the right balance of colors and learn to keep them into the lines drawn
and turn this mess into a masterpiece

-The canvas of my mental health

My diary

“For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream.” – Vincent Van Gogh

I love my diary,
as it is my personal space, where I find solace,
where I can pen my emotions through words,
where I can copy the words of other authors and poets that have touched me.
And
My sketch book..
It is also my diary, where words are replaced by designs
and pen by the paint brush
And just how I love noting my favorite excerpts and quotes in my diary,
here in my sketchbook,
I try to capture some masterpieces as well.

Rose?

I have seen her whither
I have seen her bloom

I have seen her hide behind the leaves
I have seen her embrace the sunshine

I have seen her carry those thorns with pride
I have seen her hiding her buds in modesty

I have seen her curl to the softest touch
I have seen her endure a stormy night

I have seen her being kept away from the centre stage,
Yet I have seen her spread her beautiful scent in the entire room.

-She is a Rose Lady

If letters could time travel!

 

Dear you,

I hope you’ re the same person that you were in the happy days. Also, no I am not talking about how tall you have become or how smart (people around are the same so I know). I hope the old little jokes still make you laugh. I hope you’ re still friends with the girl, you exchanged friendship bands and wrote slam books with. Do you still take out time for the hobbies that you wrote in your school essays? I hope you do! I hope the songs from your teenage still find a place in your current playlist. I hope the confectioneries from your childhood jars are still in your fridge. I hope that regardless of how hard the world has been with you, you still remember to be kind.
I hope you still listen to her the way you did back then! (Your heart)

 

Yours truly,
You from the happy place.

This too shall pass

Ever tried to drink your coffee with smaller sips in an attempt to make it last forever?
Or on your birthday when you wanted the day to never end
Or your favorite vacation where you wanted to stop the time and stay in there forever
Or your favorite song which you play on a loop to get lost in its melody forever

Or the bad days at work which you thought would never end
Or the days of struggle which you wished you could skip
Or the days when you lost hope and felt low and thought they would last forever

They didn’t last forever, right?

That is something about time!
It never stops!
not for anyone
anywhere
If the good did not last forever, the bad will not last either
This too shall pass and our lives would get back to normal!
And we will laugh on this or maybe not
but we’ll surely learn and grow 

-Remember after every dark night is a beautiful sunny day,
till then let the moon and the stars guide you through this dark night!

Are you like them?

Kya is thartharati kalam me koi kavita hai Jo sabko sunane se darte ho?
(is there something within you, a poem that you fear to say aloud?)

Kya is hichkichati zaban me koi shayari hai jisse tum farmane se darte ho?
(is there something you wanna tell others but always hold back?
Is there a magic spell on your tongue that you fear to cast?)

Kya in nazre bachati ankon me koi nazariyan hai jisse sabko dikhane se darte ho?
(Do you have perspective, a way of looking at things,
a lens through which you look at things but fear to make others see through it?)

Kya is safar mein koi aise nazare hai jinnki tasvir tum dikhane se darte ho?
(is there an experience or a picture from the past that you fear showing others?)

Yeh toh har kisi ki kahani hai
Magar kya inki tarah tum bhi iss baat ko apnane se darte ho?
(This is everyone’s story
But like them do you too fear to accept this? )

Legacy

Isn’t it surprising?
A person who has spent all her life in silence

will go through it all
Cruelty,
Monstrosity,
Oppressive behavior,
Abuses,
Physical and mental pain
Yet not say a word
Not even mumble a thing
But
The same person would
fight battles,
Stand,
Raise their voice and
Howl
for the slightest discomfort caused to her loved ones
Where does this strength come from?
How does a person who hasn’t spoken a word for years
sing a battle cry?
Is it the fear of seeing your loved one suffer?
How surprising is it to see love strengthen somebody
To give birth to their inside warrior
The one who didn’t speak for years for herself
Yes, that sleeping warrior
What is it Mariam Jo that makes somebody so fearless?
Is it really possible to love someone like you did?

– Some legacies are better not inherited!